Many apologies for going so long without posting. I didn't have much to say. The past two weeks have been dedicated to mostly research and showing Elaine around all the hot spots in India. Nothing TOO exciting happened. I did not fly more kites. I did not go to an Indian wedding. I did not ride an elephant. I did not hunt tigers while riding an elephant. Just worked, ate, walked around, and slept. I have come to realize, however, that I have not given you guys a very good idea about just what it is like to live in India. What are the people like? What are the streets like? How is it different than America?
The first difference that comes are gestures. Specifically, how people nod their head "yes". In America, an up and down motion of the head signifies the affirmative. In India, you need to shake your head like a bobble-head doll while simultaneously rolling your eyes up into the back of your head. I have gotten pretty good at it, not gonna lie. Now, you may ask, "If that is how you nod your head yes, then how do you say no?" That is a very good question. I honestly don't know. I can't recall anybody saying no to me in the past month, so the first time someone does, I will let you know.
I have also become used to holding guy's hands or walking through the street with a dude's arm around me. Not gonna lie, even though I had heard that people do that and have even seen men walking through the streets holding hands, the first time a student grabbed my hand, it caught me off guard. I mean, I was kinda freaked out, but at the same time, I was touched. It is a sign of friendship. How could I not be touched? However, I can honestly say that it was the first time in my life that I have actually felt uncomfortable. For those of you that know about my history with cupcakes, that is saying a lot. Having said that, I do not expect to initiate any male hand holding myself in the near future.
The funny thing about holding hands is that it is the exact opposite of America. Guys will hold hands with guys, and girls will hold hands with girls, but you will never see a guy holding the hand of a girl. I asked Rajiv about that: "Rajiv, I haven't seen any coed hand holding here..." He laughed and told me, "People do not like public displays of affection. If you have affection for a person, leave it in the bedroom. Sean, in my entire life, not even in my own house have I seen my parents holding hands." His friend who was with us at the moment told me, "In my whole life, I haven't seen myself hold my husband's hand either." Lol oh India...
Relationships here are very different than in America. If someone is your girlfriend/boyfriend, one of two things will happen: 1) you will keep that a secret from everyone, or 2) if anybody knows, the two of you are assumed to be together for the rest of your lives. Rajiv told me a story about one of his friends from high school. He really liked this one girl, and they started secretly dating. Now, Indians tend to talk. A lot. Word spreads very fast. In fact, when I arrived, it only took a day or so for everyone in a few blocks radius to find out that a white person had moved in, there was some sort of connection between me and the Gandhis (people assumed I was their son. No joke.), and that a girl moved in with me. Crazy. Anyways, back to the story! His friend from high school did not want people to find out that he was dating this girl, so whenever they were in their hometown, they refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge each other. When they wanted to meet up, the guy would get into a taxi, and tell the driver to go to some city two hours away. The girl would get into another taxi, and tell her driver to follow the taxi in front of her, not knowing where exactly she was headed. Then, once they were at least two hours away, they would talk to each other comfortably. And now, many years later, they are happily married. Who said love was easy?
As adorable as that story is, people here can also be very rude. In their parents found out.... It would have been bad. Indians don't bother to conceal their feelings or watch what they say, even if they are in public. Rajiv used to tell me that he loves India because it is full of free entertainment. He sometimes goes out, buys some peanuts on the street, and just walks around and watches people. I now understand why he does that lol. One of my favorite street foods is dabeli, and there are a father and son who work there, neither of which speak much English. Well, the first time I was there, I was happily enjoying my dabeli while the father and son spoke to each other, and next thing I know, the father is smacking the son across the head. I was taken aback.... But then I started seeing this type of thing everywhere. Granted, I don't understand what anyone is saying, and pretty much all Hindi sounds like shouting to me, but when a crowd gathers, it is usually safe to assume that they are exchanging angry words.
Yes, people will gather in the street to listen to your conversation. Let me give you an example. One day, I was walking through the market, feeling pretty happy because I just had a veggie toast, and a man stopped me. Apparently he had seen me a few times and who I was. "Your good name, sir?" (That phrase always catches me off guard, but I love it. It is so polite. Almost too polite.) I told him my name and where I am from, and he got extremely excited. He began asking me all types of questions, like what do I think about Barack Obama, or George W. Bush, the war in Iraq, who my favorite president is, etc. (For the record, his favorite president is either Lincoln or Washington; he couldn't decide.) He knew more American history than I do, which, I know, doesn't say much, but I was pretty impressed. Anyways, during this entire two hour conversation, people would just walk up to us, sit down nearby, and listen to our conversation. He explained that many people are scared to talk to me because they are self-conscious about their English and I speak "slang English" (American English. They are used to England English), but they are all interested in my story. Very nice guy, very friendly, and I wouldn't be surprised if he invites me over for dinner sometime in the near future. The best part about him- his good name. Now, I have absolutely no idea what his actual name is, nor how you spell it, but it sounded like his name is Shide Master. (He sells tea, so maybe he was saying Chai Master, but I have no idea.) Which brings me to my next interesting tidbit: names.
Indian names are amazing. They are all so unique and interesting and they all have a special meaning. Having said that, I can't remember anyone's name. I can understand when most people speak English to me, though the accent makes it somewhat difficult, but once they start speaking another language, I have a lot of trouble. They speak extremely fast in a language that I do not know. Even though it is one simple word, their first name, it is way too fast for my ears to pick up. I always ask people once or twice to repeat their names to me, because I want to get it right. I typically do not ask more than that, because I do not want to seem like an idiot for not even being able to repeat a single word in their native tongue. It can be tough, especially because I have yet to meet two people with the same name. And I have met a lot of people. Once I finally understand their names, I can really appreciate how beautiful they are. Nagesh. Ankita. Vishal. I love them. On the flip side, a lot of people have trouble saying my name as well, but they get the hang of it pretty fast. Until I spell it for them.
I think that is part of the reason why everyone is so friendly is that they walk everywhere, so they are constantly interacting with other people. I love it. It is definitely much better than driving. The only thing is.... You really have to be careful about where you step. There is a lot of (excuse my French) shit on the sidewalks, so you really have to look where you walk. Lol for the first two weeks in India, I had a lot of trouble learning where everything was, because I was constantly watching where I stepped rather than where was going. Ah well. But back to the shit.... It comes from cows, dogs, and even people. Cows are sacred to Hindus, so they will sometimes just roam the street, or other times be tied up to a pole where you can pay money to feed the cow. Pretty cool. There are millions of dogs here. None of them have owners, so I guess you could call them wild dogs, but that would be misleading. They are the nicest dogs I have ever met. I prefer to call them homeless dogs. They will never attack you, nor bark, nor even look at you for too long. And yes, they stop at the crosswalks and look both ways, just like everyone else. For every homeless dog, though, there is a family of homeless people.
Every twenty feet or so there is a person lying on the sidewalk with a blanket over his head, just taking an afternoon nap. At night, whole families line up on the sidewalks to sleep. There are A LOT of homeless people here, but (maybe I am being a cold hearted bastard) it doesn't bother me. Why? They are all happy. Everyone that I have seen here is happy. None of them complain, they get along just fine, and honestly, it is not as bad as it sounds. The apartments in Matunga (the area in which I am staying) are very, very expensive. I would compare Matunga to an over-populated Haddonfield. Therefore, even though these people are homeless, they choose to be homeless in a very nice area. If they went to a different city maybe two hours away, there is a good chance they could afford an apartment. And let me just reiterate this point: they are happy. Rajiv often tells me that there is no such thing as depression in India, and I would have to agree with him.
One thing that DOES bother me are the beggars. Let me try to paint a picture for you... They dress differently than most people here; the clothes are similar, but usually different colors than other people. In addition, some of the beggars have paint on their faces. There are two kinds of beggars- male beggars and female beggars. The male beggars confuse/scare me, and the female beggars annoy me. Let's start with male... I don't see THAT many male beggars, but when I do see them, they appear to be about 8 years old. Shirtless, paint on face and chest, and they carry around some sort of whip. When you walk by them, they will whip themselves. I don't know why they expect people to pay them if they whip themselves, but that's what they do. This whips are very loud too. VERY loud. You can hear them over the car horns. As for the females... They will often be girls between the ages of four an sixteen who walk around, asking people for money for food. They will carry a basket or something like that to put their earnings in. Now, these people dress much better and look much healthier than the aforementioned homeless people, so I do not feel bad for them at all. They upset me. They spend all day every day begging for money; why don't they just put their time to better use and DO something for money? They would probably get the same amount at the end of the day. And honestly, these people that beg for money do not need money. Indians who need money refuse to ask for it and will not voice a single complaint. But these beggars....
Today I was walking around the market with Rajiv, and this girl started banging some sort of drum and asked Rajiv for money. He brushed her off a few times, but she just kept insisting that he give her money, because she wanted some food. Finally, he said, "Fine, you want food? What do you want?" She told him what she wanted, so he asked where to get it. She pointed to the nearest store. So Rajiv started to go into the store, but stopped. It was an ice cream store. Definitely not the type of place to buy whatever it was that she wanted. So he told her, "Look, this is an ice cream shop. They do not have what you want. Why did you tell me that they sold it here? Do you want ice cream?" She said, okay, I will have ice cream. He walked into the store, turned around, and in the last ten seconds, 5 more kids had gathered. He ended up not getting the kids anything, partially because the owner of the ice cream shop told Rajiv not to encourage them. It is honestly like a business for them. A business in which they contribute nothing to society.
I apologize for being blunt in the last two paragraphs, but bluntness is one thing I have learned here in India. The only real way to get rid of the beggars is to yell at them. Tell them straight up that there is no way you will give them money and they better leave your sight. If they insist on following you after that, some other Indians on the street will help you get rid of them, but it is just a hassle. One day three little girls came up to me and started tugging on my shirt and my arms, asking for money. It is kind of scary/disturbing. So yes, you have to be blunt with them. That is the general attitude here- get straight to the point. Don't bullshit. Don't hold back any opinions or emotions. Just let it all out.
Yesterday I went to VJTI (the university) to give a little speech about education in America and what I think about India so far. So I was introduced to a classroom of 60 students and handed a microphone, and before I could say anything, one student raised his hand and said, "Please sir, do us a favor. Do not tell us that India is great. We know that India has many problems. We want your honest opinion about India. Be very explicit with us. Tell us exactly how you feel." I laughed and told him, "Sorry to disappoint you dude, but you won't hear too many bad things about India from me. I love it here. How can you not? I can buy coconut water on almost any street corner! Just believe me when I tell you how much I love India that I am giving you my honest opinion." True story.
I guess I did have a lot to say. =)
The first difference that comes are gestures. Specifically, how people nod their head "yes". In America, an up and down motion of the head signifies the affirmative. In India, you need to shake your head like a bobble-head doll while simultaneously rolling your eyes up into the back of your head. I have gotten pretty good at it, not gonna lie. Now, you may ask, "If that is how you nod your head yes, then how do you say no?" That is a very good question. I honestly don't know. I can't recall anybody saying no to me in the past month, so the first time someone does, I will let you know.
I have also become used to holding guy's hands or walking through the street with a dude's arm around me. Not gonna lie, even though I had heard that people do that and have even seen men walking through the streets holding hands, the first time a student grabbed my hand, it caught me off guard. I mean, I was kinda freaked out, but at the same time, I was touched. It is a sign of friendship. How could I not be touched? However, I can honestly say that it was the first time in my life that I have actually felt uncomfortable. For those of you that know about my history with cupcakes, that is saying a lot. Having said that, I do not expect to initiate any male hand holding myself in the near future.
The funny thing about holding hands is that it is the exact opposite of America. Guys will hold hands with guys, and girls will hold hands with girls, but you will never see a guy holding the hand of a girl. I asked Rajiv about that: "Rajiv, I haven't seen any coed hand holding here..." He laughed and told me, "People do not like public displays of affection. If you have affection for a person, leave it in the bedroom. Sean, in my entire life, not even in my own house have I seen my parents holding hands." His friend who was with us at the moment told me, "In my whole life, I haven't seen myself hold my husband's hand either." Lol oh India...
Relationships here are very different than in America. If someone is your girlfriend/boyfriend, one of two things will happen: 1) you will keep that a secret from everyone, or 2) if anybody knows, the two of you are assumed to be together for the rest of your lives. Rajiv told me a story about one of his friends from high school. He really liked this one girl, and they started secretly dating. Now, Indians tend to talk. A lot. Word spreads very fast. In fact, when I arrived, it only took a day or so for everyone in a few blocks radius to find out that a white person had moved in, there was some sort of connection between me and the Gandhis (people assumed I was their son. No joke.), and that a girl moved in with me. Crazy. Anyways, back to the story! His friend from high school did not want people to find out that he was dating this girl, so whenever they were in their hometown, they refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge each other. When they wanted to meet up, the guy would get into a taxi, and tell the driver to go to some city two hours away. The girl would get into another taxi, and tell her driver to follow the taxi in front of her, not knowing where exactly she was headed. Then, once they were at least two hours away, they would talk to each other comfortably. And now, many years later, they are happily married. Who said love was easy?
As adorable as that story is, people here can also be very rude. In their parents found out.... It would have been bad. Indians don't bother to conceal their feelings or watch what they say, even if they are in public. Rajiv used to tell me that he loves India because it is full of free entertainment. He sometimes goes out, buys some peanuts on the street, and just walks around and watches people. I now understand why he does that lol. One of my favorite street foods is dabeli, and there are a father and son who work there, neither of which speak much English. Well, the first time I was there, I was happily enjoying my dabeli while the father and son spoke to each other, and next thing I know, the father is smacking the son across the head. I was taken aback.... But then I started seeing this type of thing everywhere. Granted, I don't understand what anyone is saying, and pretty much all Hindi sounds like shouting to me, but when a crowd gathers, it is usually safe to assume that they are exchanging angry words.
Yes, people will gather in the street to listen to your conversation. Let me give you an example. One day, I was walking through the market, feeling pretty happy because I just had a veggie toast, and a man stopped me. Apparently he had seen me a few times and who I was. "Your good name, sir?" (That phrase always catches me off guard, but I love it. It is so polite. Almost too polite.) I told him my name and where I am from, and he got extremely excited. He began asking me all types of questions, like what do I think about Barack Obama, or George W. Bush, the war in Iraq, who my favorite president is, etc. (For the record, his favorite president is either Lincoln or Washington; he couldn't decide.) He knew more American history than I do, which, I know, doesn't say much, but I was pretty impressed. Anyways, during this entire two hour conversation, people would just walk up to us, sit down nearby, and listen to our conversation. He explained that many people are scared to talk to me because they are self-conscious about their English and I speak "slang English" (American English. They are used to England English), but they are all interested in my story. Very nice guy, very friendly, and I wouldn't be surprised if he invites me over for dinner sometime in the near future. The best part about him- his good name. Now, I have absolutely no idea what his actual name is, nor how you spell it, but it sounded like his name is Shide Master. (He sells tea, so maybe he was saying Chai Master, but I have no idea.) Which brings me to my next interesting tidbit: names.
Indian names are amazing. They are all so unique and interesting and they all have a special meaning. Having said that, I can't remember anyone's name. I can understand when most people speak English to me, though the accent makes it somewhat difficult, but once they start speaking another language, I have a lot of trouble. They speak extremely fast in a language that I do not know. Even though it is one simple word, their first name, it is way too fast for my ears to pick up. I always ask people once or twice to repeat their names to me, because I want to get it right. I typically do not ask more than that, because I do not want to seem like an idiot for not even being able to repeat a single word in their native tongue. It can be tough, especially because I have yet to meet two people with the same name. And I have met a lot of people. Once I finally understand their names, I can really appreciate how beautiful they are. Nagesh. Ankita. Vishal. I love them. On the flip side, a lot of people have trouble saying my name as well, but they get the hang of it pretty fast. Until I spell it for them.
I think that is part of the reason why everyone is so friendly is that they walk everywhere, so they are constantly interacting with other people. I love it. It is definitely much better than driving. The only thing is.... You really have to be careful about where you step. There is a lot of (excuse my French) shit on the sidewalks, so you really have to look where you walk. Lol for the first two weeks in India, I had a lot of trouble learning where everything was, because I was constantly watching where I stepped rather than where was going. Ah well. But back to the shit.... It comes from cows, dogs, and even people. Cows are sacred to Hindus, so they will sometimes just roam the street, or other times be tied up to a pole where you can pay money to feed the cow. Pretty cool. There are millions of dogs here. None of them have owners, so I guess you could call them wild dogs, but that would be misleading. They are the nicest dogs I have ever met. I prefer to call them homeless dogs. They will never attack you, nor bark, nor even look at you for too long. And yes, they stop at the crosswalks and look both ways, just like everyone else. For every homeless dog, though, there is a family of homeless people.
Every twenty feet or so there is a person lying on the sidewalk with a blanket over his head, just taking an afternoon nap. At night, whole families line up on the sidewalks to sleep. There are A LOT of homeless people here, but (maybe I am being a cold hearted bastard) it doesn't bother me. Why? They are all happy. Everyone that I have seen here is happy. None of them complain, they get along just fine, and honestly, it is not as bad as it sounds. The apartments in Matunga (the area in which I am staying) are very, very expensive. I would compare Matunga to an over-populated Haddonfield. Therefore, even though these people are homeless, they choose to be homeless in a very nice area. If they went to a different city maybe two hours away, there is a good chance they could afford an apartment. And let me just reiterate this point: they are happy. Rajiv often tells me that there is no such thing as depression in India, and I would have to agree with him.
One thing that DOES bother me are the beggars. Let me try to paint a picture for you... They dress differently than most people here; the clothes are similar, but usually different colors than other people. In addition, some of the beggars have paint on their faces. There are two kinds of beggars- male beggars and female beggars. The male beggars confuse/scare me, and the female beggars annoy me. Let's start with male... I don't see THAT many male beggars, but when I do see them, they appear to be about 8 years old. Shirtless, paint on face and chest, and they carry around some sort of whip. When you walk by them, they will whip themselves. I don't know why they expect people to pay them if they whip themselves, but that's what they do. This whips are very loud too. VERY loud. You can hear them over the car horns. As for the females... They will often be girls between the ages of four an sixteen who walk around, asking people for money for food. They will carry a basket or something like that to put their earnings in. Now, these people dress much better and look much healthier than the aforementioned homeless people, so I do not feel bad for them at all. They upset me. They spend all day every day begging for money; why don't they just put their time to better use and DO something for money? They would probably get the same amount at the end of the day. And honestly, these people that beg for money do not need money. Indians who need money refuse to ask for it and will not voice a single complaint. But these beggars....
Today I was walking around the market with Rajiv, and this girl started banging some sort of drum and asked Rajiv for money. He brushed her off a few times, but she just kept insisting that he give her money, because she wanted some food. Finally, he said, "Fine, you want food? What do you want?" She told him what she wanted, so he asked where to get it. She pointed to the nearest store. So Rajiv started to go into the store, but stopped. It was an ice cream store. Definitely not the type of place to buy whatever it was that she wanted. So he told her, "Look, this is an ice cream shop. They do not have what you want. Why did you tell me that they sold it here? Do you want ice cream?" She said, okay, I will have ice cream. He walked into the store, turned around, and in the last ten seconds, 5 more kids had gathered. He ended up not getting the kids anything, partially because the owner of the ice cream shop told Rajiv not to encourage them. It is honestly like a business for them. A business in which they contribute nothing to society.
I apologize for being blunt in the last two paragraphs, but bluntness is one thing I have learned here in India. The only real way to get rid of the beggars is to yell at them. Tell them straight up that there is no way you will give them money and they better leave your sight. If they insist on following you after that, some other Indians on the street will help you get rid of them, but it is just a hassle. One day three little girls came up to me and started tugging on my shirt and my arms, asking for money. It is kind of scary/disturbing. So yes, you have to be blunt with them. That is the general attitude here- get straight to the point. Don't bullshit. Don't hold back any opinions or emotions. Just let it all out.
Yesterday I went to VJTI (the university) to give a little speech about education in America and what I think about India so far. So I was introduced to a classroom of 60 students and handed a microphone, and before I could say anything, one student raised his hand and said, "Please sir, do us a favor. Do not tell us that India is great. We know that India has many problems. We want your honest opinion about India. Be very explicit with us. Tell us exactly how you feel." I laughed and told him, "Sorry to disappoint you dude, but you won't hear too many bad things about India from me. I love it here. How can you not? I can buy coconut water on almost any street corner! Just believe me when I tell you how much I love India that I am giving you my honest opinion." True story.
I guess I did have a lot to say. =)
WOW. Love grandma
ReplyDeleteThis is so enlightening.
ReplyDeleteLoving it and even more that youre having a blast!
We look forward to each posting. There is a current book on Indian society, problems and progress that you will find enlightening. It is named In Spite of the Gods.
ReplyDeleteGrandpa Steve & Sally